I'd win the race to imperfection.

I am sitting in a cold, damp room. The floor is made up of faded wood panels reaching desperately from one wall to the other. I am all alone, sitting in silence except for the dripping of a broken pipe in another room. At this point, I can't even guess the time. My arms are placed at my sides and my legs are out in front of me. My head is back and my fingers are almost motionless. And although I remain still, my mind is racing.

Have I trapped myself in this state of fabrication and imitation? I now ponder an new idea that is endangering my whole sense of reality. I'm beginning to see things differently. I am outside looking in. I'm forcing myself to contemplate my own observations and values. It's all coming down to whether or not my faith is put into my own thoughts and actions, or rather with society. I have learned to desire power. I've been taught to feel this way and how to politely achieve such luxury in a socially acceptable manner. I've wanted to be the one that dictates what is right and what is wrong. Until now, it seemed instinctive to follow the example of the generations before mine. It seems as if we are all simply cattle.

I've seen the working class slave over a computer while knowingly surrounded by the bare walls of their work place. They are taunted by deadlines and their superiors and are constantly being teased by the generic, ticking clocks hung on the walls. The thought of living this way makes me sick. The truly important things have been pushed into a back corner; the love, the laughs, the music. They are an obstacle. Our knowledge of the corporate world and tax sheets is far more crucial to our survival. We are all being dictated by society rather than our own passions and drive.

And still, I've watched my theories crumble in front of me. I've seen the things I had loved more than the world, break down. And to me, I am the furthest thing from perfection, but I am optimistic

This is playing chess with a firearm.

To those who I've gracelessly exposed the worst of my character and to those who forget we all have flaws. To my friends as well as my enemies. To those that I will meet, and to the people that I have left behind. Someone will be proven wrong and others will be rewarded with pride; whether it be due to luck, spite, intuition, or love. It is a chess match and it is all out warfare. My adversary is myself and society and nature and I am ready to see what I'm made of. Potential is only what you can prove it to be.

Our Greatest Setback

I was just recently reminded of a crucial part of a very important chapter in my life. It happens to also be the most recent chapter of my life. There was a point in my life where I did nothing but think, eat and breathe music. It was the only thing that mattered. I recall sitting in my piece of shit bedroom, in my piece of shit house, involuntarily listening to my drunk roommate fornicating with his girlfriend in the next room.

In that strange moment, I told myself that music is what I loved and was my passion, therefore I was going to pursue becoming successful in the music business no matter the cost. My best friends were in the band with me. We were writing music that we loved and we believed very strongly that other people would love it, too. Still, I knew that it wasn't a prudent decision to pursue a career that lacked any promise. A career that so many attempted and so few have become successful pursuing. I was sure that I was different and more determined than all of the others.

Then the dreaded trip to Winter Springs, Florida. Half the band didn't even want to go and I basically convinced myself that I had convinced them, when actually they were anything but convinced. In all honesty, they had been making a better decision. However, the trip itself ended up convincing everybody but one of the band members that it was the right move. By then, however, the damage had been done. I've never felt such a horrible combination of emotions. I had been overwhelmed and nervous and excited and humiliated and had never been more unsure of anything I had been doing.

With a lot of inconvenient circumstances, the trip took a major tole on me emotionally. In retrospect, it has been a very eye opening experience. I had found myself growing apart from the other members of my band. I hadn't been excited to hear the final recording. I just wanted to go back to my cheap, filthy house and sleep on the bed with the sheets that hadn't been cleaned in weeks. I didn't want to play music. I didn't want to listen to music. I didn't want to see my friends. They weren't my friends anymore, I had turned them into puppets of my "master plan", and I regret that more than anything I had ever done to this point. However, even after I apologized, I knew things could never be the same with them. They had been witness to the worst side of me.

What's funny is that I was really intending on writing about our producer, Brooks. It always seems to go back and ramble on how much I regret they way I handled the trip. There was an opportunity for us to do something that so few to attempt, but there was no choice in my mind. Anyways, Brooks was our producer. He was a tall, very skinny (hungry) man from North Carolina that had a funny accent and drank beer on his lawn chair set up on the drive way. He was a very intelligent person that had been a veteran of the true music business at a relatively young age.

Brooks was very arrogant when it came to music. Respectfully, he knew what the fuck he was talking about, but had no room for any other opinions. He could put together a hit song in five minutes. Just give him an acoustic and the parts you've already written. He thought that he was going to make us famous, not that we were going to make us famous. We were a little more open to song structure, he had been very set on one way of arranging them. We were a little more "artsy" if you would. He made the changes and made the $5,000 recording them.

I was checking up on his MySpace (which is beginning to sound a little cliché lately) because he is this very intelligent person. His lyrics and poetry is pretty fucking awesome too. He proclaims that he wants to meet "an authentic example of our generation". I just sat there wondering if he knew that he is, in fact, an authentic example of our generation himself. Generation Y, as a whole, are more knowledgeable about contemporary society simply due to the fact that we define it. We are some of the smartest, most open minded, competitive people in the world. But the more I think about it, the people of Generation Y are always sure of themselves and sure that their way of doing things is better than any other single persons unless they are proved wrong in a very blunt manner. We are always over confident with our own ideas. I know this because I am more to blame than most people.

My theories had surfaced when I was sure that we needed to go to Florida to record our EP, and were confirmed (in my eyes) through my personal experiences and interaction with my generation. We are all smart, and we know we are smart. This is our greatest point of vulnerability. I say this while very aware that what I am stating now can be argued to be arrogant or condescending in itself. The people that I’ve met and interacted with are no different, they are the smartest people I've ever met, but often believe that they are more gifted than their counterpart, whoever that may be.

The arguments that I had before leaving were frankly ridiculous solely because neither party would budge and more importantly because we both knew it. We just argued to not to be wrong. Being right was not an issue.

The truth is that we are the next generation to confront the problems in the world such as global warming, alternative fuels, war in the middle east and confronting corruption in Washington. Generation X and the Baby Boomers are skeptical on whether or not we will be able to solve the problems that they have left for us to confront. The truth is that I am not so sure if we will do so effectively. I'm very sure that most people belonging to Generation Y think we will solve them, but I am skeptical as well. Our inability to work with each other and listen to ideas other than our own may be the single biggest setback.

I'm unsure if previous generations were faced with the same set-backs that I have been observing, but all I can do is focus on what I have been exposed to personally. If they have, then we need to be smart enough to change and listen to different ideas with as little bias as possible.